The place where slower bouncers are mistimed for singles...

Bad news day: Pakistani officials reluctantly read the headlines on Sunday morning at Lord's

With cricket hitting the headlines for all the wrong reasons, AOC takes a look at what the papers had to say about the weekend’s dramatic events…

“I think that suspension [of the team] is an option. It is serious.” – Former ICC Chief Malcolm Speed on the possibility of suspending the team.

“You won’t, in short, solve anything by draconian bans, by wiping whole nations from the cricketing map. You need to target the pushers.” – Peter Preston, former Guardian editor

“The only way the game will move forward is by hitting those involved with life bans if they are found guilty. That is the best way to scare young cricketers from getting involved in match-fixing in the future.” – Michael Vaughan

“Corruption has no place in cricket and I’d like to think that if anyone ever was found guilty of doing anything to bring our great game into disrepute then they would suffer the toughest punishment possible.” – Alastair Cook

“The people who are found guilty should be removed from the team and replaced and should be punished as an example for future generations to realise that crime does not pay.” – Former Pakistan Captain Imran Khan

“Whatever the true story is, I have absolutely no doubts that Pakistan were giving everything to try to win that match. It was a proper competition, as it has been throughout the series.” – Stuart Broad on the Lord’s Test match

“Make no mistake – once the process is complete, if any players are found to be guilty, the ICC will ensure that the appropriate punishment is handed out. We will not tolerate corruption in this
great game.” – Current ICC Chief Haroon Lorgat

“No allegations are true till they proved either way. So at this point of time they are just allegations.” – Pakistan’s team senior manager
Yawar Saeed

“It is a disaster for cricket and at home it will take a long time for the wounds to heal. The players have let the country down.” – Former Pakistan captain Ramiz Raja has some tough words for the players involved

Mo Amir: caught in the middle?

So, AOC went away for the Bank Hol to work on these pesky tan lines, and all hell breaks loose. And here’s the irritating thing about all this: it’s not even funny.

In fact it’s wrenchingly unfunny, more misjudged than a mother-in-law gag at a WI gig. Three no-balls, one tabloid sting, two (ALLEGED!) culprits, two (ALLEGED!) colluders, one (ALLEGED!) middleman from Croydon who would have had good reason to talk tall for money, and the creeping, horribly pervasive fear that this is just the tip of an iceberg bigger than Mo Amir’s first, fateful overstepping.

Where it leaves our game, the future of Pakistani cricket and the career of the teenager Amir who AOC had fallen head over heels for, only time will tell. The British Police, a delegation sent by Pakistan’s Federal Investigation Agency and the ICC’s Anti-Corruption Unit are all beavering away as we speak. The upcoming ODI and T20 series must be in doubt, but then so now is the last few months of cricket, so nothing new there.

Amid all the rants, raves, sadness and tears (anyone baffled by the fuss over three no balls should have seen Sky’s Michael Holding break down live on air on Sunday afternoon), there was just enough resolve from cricket’s cuckolded lovers to understand this dark night as some kind of watershed moment.

Andrew Strauss described the mood after the Lord’s Test as sombre. But at the same time the urge to clean up the game, root and branch, has never been stronger. Too many rumours about too many players over too many years.

And not just from Pakistan. We’ve had banned South African captains, heavily reprimanded Indian captains, suspended IPL chiefs, banned West Indian stars and ongoing allegations about various cricketers from various nationalities either quashed or unproven over the last two decades. If it’s not cleaned up now, then when?

In the Guardian on Monday, one story alludes to Shahid Afridi being unwanted as Pakistan’s team leader due to his ‘probity’. Such suggestions chill the spine, but as one of AOC’s number said this morning, this is one fire that doesn’t need our stoking, so we’ll leave it there for now.

Back in blighted Pakistan, those parts of the country not underwater are up in arms. They feel betrayed. The alleged greed of its cricketers present a harrowing contrast to the pictures of a country submerged in suffering. So now, more than ever, is the time to see the bigger picture and get donating.

Mohammad Amir

Look, it’s not just his hair, lustrous and immaculate as it is, in a Brian Jones/Stevie Marriott Summer of Love style, with those wisps at the back, curling and flicking in the tailwind as he tears in to do his thing.

It’s not that he has the quickest, whippiest arm in the business, or a run up that made Waqar look like Thora Hird on her stairlift.

It’s not that sometimes he bowls massive and deliberate no balls, just to keep the batsman hopping and ducking and groping against an 18-yard bullet.

It’s not even that when he gets a wicket he goes off on this deranged “Mum! I’m a helicopter!” celebration, or that he can swing it late, both ways, to order.

And it’s not that at Lord’s this summer he’s already got rid of Watson, Ponting (dismissed with a shoulder barge), Cook, Pietersen, Collingwood, Morgan, Prior and Swann, and that England’s middle order went nought, nought and nought this morning, undone by one of the great spells ever seen at Lord’s.

No, I love Mo Amir because when I watch this kid bowl it reminds me why I’ll always be in love this crazy game, after all.

It was The Stranglers (reeling from the news of Ray Illingworth’s retirement) who sang that there were no more heroes any more, and it’s this fear of losing its great players – of the next generation not matching up to the old boys – that still keeps cricket awake at night. Just as well then, that the morning after, before we’ve even rubbed our eyes, along comes a teenage genius with lovely hair (did we mention the hair?) to leave us wondering what we were so worried about in the first place.

Whether it’s missing a straight one or shelling a sitter that was travelling with all the venom of an apathetic tortoise, cricket never ceases to throw up new and interesting ways of humiliating you. But being binned off as a tailender’s batting buddy, a fate that recently befell England’s Alastair Cook, is a new one on us.

You can’t help but feel for Cook. His technique has come under more scrutiny this summer than BP’s clean-up policy. In times like these a fella could do with having his mates stand by him, but Jimmy Anderson – the bowler whose batting Cook has been charged with personally overseeing (a system first pioneered by Australia but now commonplace across the game) – decided to adopt a different, slightly less sensitive approach. Enduring a poor run of form with the bat himself, the ‘Burnley Lara’ helpfully suggested that Cook might be dragging him down and maybe it was time for them to go their separate ways. “It was a hammer blow,” a grinning Cook ‘confessed’ following his cathartic century at The Oval. Here’s hoping the two lads have got themselves back on track.

This turn of events set the AOC office to thinking about what other ways your team-mates can (knowingly or otherwise) undermine your confidence. Here are a few of our favourites:

1. Padding up the minute it’s your turn to bat
“Who’s next in? You’re kidding, right? £%^&^*%s, I better go and fetch my pads.” Obvious, but always hurtful.

2. Selecting the reserve keeper. He will not be taking the gloves
If you’re a specialist bat (i.e. can’t field and certainly can’t bowl), there are few clearer signs that your skipper doesn’t rate you very highly. At all.

3. Reading the paper while stood at slip
Concrete proof you will not be finding the batsman’s edge any time soon.

4. Running up to the stumps as you’re walking back to your mark and shouting: “Mate, you’re aiming at these, yeah?”
Yeah, very good. Someone’s kit is getting urinated in this evening.

5. Writing instructions on the back of your bat
The aim is to stop the ball from colliding with the bits of wood you’re standing in front of…

What moments of shame have you endured on a cricket pitch? Share your pain with us, we promise we won’t judge you…

Over the years, Jimmy Anderson has attracted praise and criticism in equal quantities. Bursting onto the international scene as an exciting 20-year-old, Anderson’s ability the swing the ball and swing it big, marked him out as a bowler of immese natural talent.

Since then, he has blown hot and cold, but over the past two years he has established himself as the undisputed leader of England’s attack. With the ‘Fab Four’ of Matthew Hoggard, Steve Harmison, Simon Jones and Andrew Flintoff no longer on the scene, Anderson has come to the fore, and not by default.

A Test bowling average of over 32 might not be the most flattering, but over the past two years, Anderson has average 28, including five of his 10 five-wicket hauls. Fears still persist that Anderson might struggle to take his impressive form Down Under (Australia hasn’t been a happy hunting ground in the past), but an impressive spell on a cloudless day at The Oval last week, hinted that Anderson, like his hooping deliveries, has turned a corner.

One thing’s for sure, he’s always been a wicket-taker. With as strike rate of 57.5, he is more potent that either Steve Harmison (59.1) or Andrew Flintoff (66.1) were over the course of their careers, also edging out Andy Caddick. In fact, Darren Gough aside, Anderson has been England’s likeliest wicket-taker for a long time.

Broad and Finn, might have the pace and bounce, but it will be Anderson who Strauss will go to if he really needs a wicket this winter.

England v Pakistan 4th Test

A series that had looked certain to produce a one-sided conclusion has suddenly sprung to life, poised for a thrilling finale with England leading 2-1. For Pakistan, victory at Lords and a tied series would redeem some truly disastrous sessions over the summer, and represent an excellent result for their young side. As for England, anything short of victory will dampen the growing enthusiasm about the forthcoming Ashes defence.

Lay the Draw 4pts @ 3.4 (Betfair)

Anyone who followed the advice in my series preview should really ignore this bet, as we’re already holding strong positions on the series score, needing any result besides the draw to collect. Alternatively, if you missed those bets, or are just happy to take on extra risk, laying the draw looks a no-brainer. Pretty much the same analysis applies to this match as the last three. Both sides are much stronger with ball than bat, particularly Pakistan, whose five tests in England this summer have yet to reach the fifth day.

Once again, a slightly dubious weather forecast has got the bookies running scared, inappropriately. Sure, there is a little rain forecast, but it is only forecast to be patchy. More importantly, it appears this match will again be played under plenty of cloud cover, creating another swing bowling paradise. The one caveat would be the pitch at Lords, which is generally very good for batting, but that didn’t prevent Pakistan’s earlier test there this summer against Australia lasting only 300 overs.

1pt Andrew Strauss to be top England 1st Innings Batsman @ 5.0 (Boylesports)
Buy Andrew Strauss match runs 0.25pts @ 82 (Spreadex)

Usually at Lords, at least one batsman makes a very big score, so my plan is to buy the match runs of one batsman on each side; Andrew Strauss for England, Umar Akmal for Pakistan.

Strauss is also worth a small punt to be top England batsman in the first innings. Though yet to make a significant mark on the series, the captain can lead by example in this decider on his home ground. Strauss’ recent record at Lords is impeccable, reaching 80 in both innings against Bangladesh there in May, and a pivotal 161 against Australia last year.

Buy Umar Akmal Match Runs 0.25pts @ 66 (Spreadex)

At last, we saw glimpses of Akmal’s tremendous potential at The Oval. He looked set for a big score before stupidly running himself out on 38 in the first innings, before carrying his nervy side over the line with a crucial 16 not out. It isn’t asking that much for him to make 66, probably from two innings. and so far as the upside is concerned, the Lords pitch usually produces at least one very big innings.

Betting Stats Running Total: +60pts